Reflections on Oklahoma

                Move away from home.  Spend about two years in a new place; establish a pretty decent amount of friends. Move away from those friends. Come back about 5 months later and see what happens. If your friends are anywhere near as awesome as my friends, that 5 months will be enough time for an awesome brew of “friendship beer” to ferment.  It’s a little intense at first, but it goes down smooth.

                Over the past two days, I have learned a lot about myself.

1.       When I get really excited, I sweat. A lot.

I pulled into to Ada at about half past five on Wednesday. If you didn’t already know there is a pretty decent amount of humidity in Oklahoma. I was walking, yes, walking, around the campus of East Central University just sweating my ass off. And it only got worse when I got into the cafo and was jumped by a group of people. I sat down at the table, after kissing my good friend Kaleb on the cheek and commenced to sweat my ass off. All I was really doing was laughing, making a fool of myself and asking Jesslyn how much I was sweating.

2.       Not everyone will be excited to see me.

Sad face.

3.       I really enjoy a good surprised face.

Before I went to cafo I went to Doc’s office I hid under his desk to surprise Jesse, and that was priceless. He makes really cute faces when he’s excited. And shortly thereafter I saw Doc. I tell you what, that man can make me cry faster than a beaten redheaded stepchild. I love Dr. Steven Walker a whole freaking lot. When we saw each other there were no words, just silence, smiles, and a hug. I hugged everyone. But my hug with Doc was my favorite, by far.

4.       People like me a lot more than I thought.

If I knew how much of an influence I had on people I would have thought more about staying. I would have thought less about being depressed. I wouldn’t have changed anything I said. Apparently my awkward apathy is part of my charm. I make people think. Well, I know for sure I make Caitlin Gray think. I make people laugh, I think that is what brings about most of my charming qualities. I like making people laugh, it makes me feel good.

5.       I have no concept of personal space.

OK, so I already knew this. Whenever I have missed people for a long time, I will express my feelings in touch. I will soak up as much skin time as I can get because I need to get my touch fix, call me crazy but I really like to touch people. I will cuddle with you against your will. I will touch you while you’re in the shower. I will get intoxicated and touch you in places that I shouldn’t. And I will try to hold your hand.

6.       I put stock into things that make no sense.

7.       I really like beer. Like a lot.

8.       When I am drinking beer, I will say things that I probably shouldn’t.

I went to the bar Wednesday night, after about 2 beers I was getting really comfortable with everyone. Something was said about drink preferences, and I expressed my feelings for beer. “Beer is better than sex” I said; general disagreement voiced around the table. “Beer never lets me down,” loud “oooooo” heard around the table. This wasn’t a knock on my love life, which is lovely, I just didn’t think about it before I said it. Big surprise, I think I might have actually embarrassed myself on that one.

9.          I question everything and never accept anything, even love, at face value.

10.      It doesn’t take much to make my jaw sore.

I bought a pack of gum for the trip to Oklahoma; I chewed through about 2 pieces within 3 hours. By the time I made it to Eufaula, I was hungry. I bought some beef jerky and went on my way. From McAlester on I kept my jaw as relaxed as possible. I felt like I had chewed through a tree. It must really suck to be a beaver.

11.      I get kind of rape-y when I miss people.

          Sorry Kaleb.

          With that said, I just want you know that I think about this place, and these people often. I can only hope that they do the same.

12.   I cry a lot.

“When all I wanted was to sing,

I was granted

The honor of living”

Yeah, that makes me cry. It doesn’t matter that I’m not singing. I am alive, and I have never felt more alive than when I listened to the chorale perform that. I became part of that song. I was dancing like I was part of the choir, I breathed with it. I felt a stabbing pain with every glorious chord, I wept. That experience is the closest thing I will ever have to an out of body experience. Thank you God, for letting me experience that.