Monday, November 28, 2011

Boys and Back Roads

So the adventure began almost 3 weeks ago. I was without my trusty lap top for 2 of them so I apologize for slacking in the blog department. I basically only have one roommate; the other is attached to some part of his girlfriend’s anatomy. I would rather not say which. I mean I understand the need to see someone you are interested in/just started a new relationship with, but really. He hasn’t slept here since I moved in, and it had been a while before then. What kind of person falls into a relationship and immediately starts living with them? Stupid 19 year olds. That’s who!

Ok off of that rant since Little Kitten might actually read this, (who am I kidding, right!?) I am really enjoying being back in Oklahoma. I have been back roading.  Yes, the kind with a moving vehicle and beer in hand, illegal, I know. I almost got attacked by a bear while drinking on Webster Bridge. I inhaled fumes from burning foam. I drank around a fire in an oil barrel. I’ve kissed boys on back roads. I have consciously decided to listen to country music. I have looked at the stars in the bed of my daddy’s truck. Say what you will, but I am a little bit redneck and I love it! I think it might be one of my most endearing qualities. Right next to my awkwardness, my foul mouth, and my freckles.

So one important thing I have learned. Having a past with someone does not mean your present with them is going to be comfortable, and you should probably remember that. There have been a few situations where I have met up with someone I haven’t seen in a few years, and there was this awkward closeness. It wasn’t until I was alone after the fact that I was like, “I knew this person 3 years ago, and that’s a lot of time for someone to change.” I mean people are crazy, especially people from crazy-ass-meth town. So really all that confidence I had in them was not earned. But I am not off floating down the Deep Fork or anything so, it all worked out. And how, there is another situation where I was nervous because it wasn’t just a few years between the last time we had seen each other, it was like 6 years. We were both stupid over each other freshman year of high school. Nothing ever happened between us, but it was there and we were both aware. This is probably the only thing 14 year old Leah could even consider a good idea. I would high five her. This person seems pretty awesome.  But then again, the first time we hung out, beer, fire, and red dirt were involved. So this friendship was pretty much a given.

I really just can’t get over how happy I am to be back in the Tulsa area. I have missed the shit out of this city! It’s so pretty. I can’t wait to not be broke. There are local restaurants just waiting for me to eat them. I didn’t pay attention to so much when I lived here before, but I plan on making this city my bitch. I will know exactly where to touch it and what to expect from it when I’m done. And I couldn’t be happier with the freedom I have here. It really is a great place for a new beginning!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Overloaded

How do I have this much stuff? I mean really. I was thinking this was going to be an easy move. It’s just me, and I am only moving 4 hours away. Shit, too many things. Nervous about the move. Cam and I are going to get along fine. Other roommie is still kind of questionable. Oh well, I think I can tolerate anyone.

New jobs are terrifying. What if they do everything weird and I don’t like them? And I have to get readjusted to Tulsa. I think that’s almost worse than learning a new city, because I will have all this directional confidence. I am going to get lost, or give someone awful directions. What is this mess? Why am I worrying?

Worry/stress/anxiety makes me poop. I knew this because I like to take a nervous poo before performances, but really 4-6 times a day. That is how much I am pooping, I know you don’t want to know this but life is affecting my colon and I am not ok with it.

Time to learn how to sleep by myself again, it’s been a while. I am scared of the dark. And I get cold.

Kyle has me a little spoiled. I know it, he knows it. Cam is going to think I am a brat. And he will probably make me scoop my own ice cream. He has small hands anyway; I am probably a better scooper than him.

Dear high school friends I only talk to when I am home,
                Is there room for me in your life?

This is my head; now add to that leaving the home you have built with a significant other. Insert a side of insecurity and self exploration. Know that there is already a preexisting undiagnosed anxiety disorder hanging out. And you have the perfect cocktail for overreacting and panic attacks. It’s been fun, let me tell you.

I promise I’m not just writing to complain, I just want to note these feelings and this crazy now, so when I come at you will new Oklahoma crazy you see the difference. It should be fun for all of us.

It’s not even that I have a lot of useful things. I just have a lot of pretty things. How did this all fit in a dorm room, or into a single bedroom? Fuck.

On a side note, I have discovered that when you are living in a situation where everything that is intimate and personal is forced to be casual and out there. It will run over into the rest of your life and you will make an ass of yourself. But only if your name is Leah, and you are really good at making an ass of yourself.