Overloaded

How do I have this much stuff? I mean really. I was thinking this was going to be an easy move. It’s just me, and I am only moving 4 hours away. Shit, too many things. Nervous about the move. Cam and I are going to get along fine. Other roommie is still kind of questionable. Oh well, I think I can tolerate anyone.

New jobs are terrifying. What if they do everything weird and I don’t like them? And I have to get readjusted to Tulsa. I think that’s almost worse than learning a new city, because I will have all this directional confidence. I am going to get lost, or give someone awful directions. What is this mess? Why am I worrying?

Worry/stress/anxiety makes me poop. I knew this because I like to take a nervous poo before performances, but really 4-6 times a day. That is how much I am pooping, I know you don’t want to know this but life is affecting my colon and I am not ok with it.

Time to learn how to sleep by myself again, it’s been a while. I am scared of the dark. And I get cold.

Kyle has me a little spoiled. I know it, he knows it. Cam is going to think I am a brat. And he will probably make me scoop my own ice cream. He has small hands anyway; I am probably a better scooper than him.

Dear high school friends I only talk to when I am home,

                Is there room for me in your life?

This is my head; now add to that leaving the home you have built with a significant other. Insert a side of insecurity and self exploration. Know that there is already a preexisting undiagnosed anxiety disorder hanging out. And you have the perfect cocktail for overreacting and panic attacks. It’s been fun, let me tell you.

I promise I’m not just writing to complain, I just want to note these feelings and this crazy now, so when I come at you will new Oklahoma crazy you see the difference. It should be fun for all of us.

It’s not even that I have a lot of useful things. I just have a lot of pretty things. How did this all fit in a dorm room, or into a single bedroom? Fuck.

On a side note, I have discovered that when you are living in a situation where everything that is intimate and personal is forced to be casual and out there. It will run over into the rest of your life and you will make an ass of yourself. But only if your name is Leah, and you are really good at making an ass of yourself.