10 reasons I kind of want to be a gay man.

1.        Everyone girl wants a gay friend. Maybe this is just a south thing, but really, skinny girls, fat girls, girls that climb on rocks. We all need male attention, and the fact that you have better fashion sense than us makes us love you. You speak infinite amounts of wisdom. You know how a man thinks, because you are one.
2.       You can talk about your sex life and not be a slut. And if you are a slut, it’s cool, because you are gay.
3.       Forget the sex life, you can openly talk about masturbation and it’s not awkward. Straight girls can’t do this, even though we all do it. If we do we must be some kind of sex maniac. If straight guys do it, they are lonely and desperate.
4.       Ok, this comes with being gay in general. But you actually understand the needs of your partner, because you guys are the same sex.
5.        All clothes are unisex for you. You can where guy clothes because you have a penis, and you can wear girl clothes because you like penis. And I’m not even talking about drag. You can totally wear girl jeans all the time, and girl shirts. You get to rock man cleavage.
6.        You can be a gossipy bitch and no one thinks anything of it. Now I guess this can be a downer too, because, as the gay friend you are totally stereotyped as the gossipy bitch. I can see where that would get annoying if you had no one to take you seriously.
7.       I am under the impression that gay men have sex ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  You have no menstruation cycle to work around. You have things like, Grindr and OKcupid, to get you through the lonely nights. Casual sex is widely accepted as part of your life style.
8.        Drag queens. I feel like all men are prettier than me now. I feel like I can see them all as women and it makes me cry at night.
9.        You know what your partners orgasms feel like. The male orgasm is a mystery to me. If I could switch sexes for a day, all I would do is fool around. I want to understand these sensations, and why you don’t like when I bite your nipples.
10.   You can be a hot mess, and people still love you. I have stopped being friends with girls because they were a mess. I just love my gay friends for it. Expect when I, in turn, also end up a hot mess. I love you, and I trust you, but for the love of god, DON’T LET ME TAKE SHOTS WITH YOU.

Now I understand, these are all stereotypes, and not all gay men are wonderfully fabulous. There are some people that will always be awkward and unpleasant, no matter who they sleep with. I also understand that there is a dark side to being gay, with discrimination, and marriage rights and all. It just looks fun, and sparkly.